"permission for something to happen or agreement to do something"
Everything that happens is voluntary and nobody is available to anyone, and being in the events does not presuppose or oblige you to anything but healthy and respectful behaviour.
What do you have to consent to before coming to the events:
We have a closed guest list in order to bootstrap a culture of Consent
There are 2 ways to participate in the events.
"PAL" system - you come as a group of 2 or more people and you are responsible for each other: arrive together and the last 2 people leave together. Approval is joint. This means that if one person is breaking the agreements, the others are also responsible.
At the gatherings, we have a dedicated, experienced space-holders, called Guardians, who make sure you have a good experience.
Learn by playing with a guided structure
We guide you through games and hold the space for you. We use games which have Consent ingrained in their core, to practice Consent in real examples. Some activities include:
Playfight (Berlin variation)
NoYes Consent Game
Blindfolded Colors Game
Saturday, 2nd February 2019 - Lisbon Consent Gathering
21.00 - 04.00
Reception time: 21.00-22.00
Secret Location in Lisbon (exact location sent after approval)
Max Capacity: 60 people
Talk | Games | Play
Reception, Tour, Welcome Drink
Hosts will explain the rules, show you around the place, welcome arriving guests.
Talk and Welcome Circle
Talk about what we mean by Consent and our vision, answering questions.
Playfight (Berlin variation)
Guided and fully consensual contact game with respect to our boundaries.
Shibari Performance by Pedro and Joana
Using the power and beauty of rope tying, an art developed in Japan, the pair shares with us their connection through Shibari and the fusion with more expressive BDSM traces.
Shibari Talk and Practice
We will have a time and space to talk a bit more of what is Shibari and what is a relationship with BDSM. Pedro and Joana will be available to answers questions you might have.
After, with limited slots, Pedro(rigger) will be available to tie any guests who want to try Shibari.
NoYes Consent Game
The guided educational practice of Consent using verbal communication.
Blindfolded Colors Game
Turn off the vision, use colours language to consent and explore the unknown.
Creative and Playful time
Time without a structure to mingle and play around Themed Rooms.
Facilities - Themes
Bar | Playground | Creativity Room | Intimacy Room
Bar - You can get free filtered water, homemade lemonade or buy a glass of wine. Food is not included in the cost cover, but vegetarian/vegan snacks will be available to exchange.
Social Lounge - main socializing room to mingle, music. A seating area with chairs
Playground Room - for group activities such as Playfight, Shibari performance & Consent Interaction Game
Intimacy Room - toned down light inviting all kinds of intimacy, Sacred Sexuality, Tantra, with fully equipped health station and massage oils.
Indoor smoking space - it's cold in the winter, we will provide you with space inside.
Bathrooms - Gender Neutral Bathrooms
Cloakroom with space for coats, bags and shoes.
The door opens at 21.00 and closes at 22.00, we don't accept late arrivals (for the comfort and safety of the group).
Dress code: pyjama, kitsch, sexy, comfy, nothing or express yourself in any way you wish (we have a cloakroom).
For the Playfight, make sure clothing is comfortable for physical interaction with others (if you plan to participate in clothes), make sure to take off shoes, earrings, necklaces and anything spiky.
Alcohol is not included in the price.
More sober -> More safe -> More fun -> More learning
An invitation is to not use substances that alter consciousness.
Electronic devices are not allowed to use inside except the Cloakroom. No images or sounds can be recorded and devices should not interfere in the social space. We ask you to consent for recording of Shibari performance, we will capture stage only.
Health stations have cleaning wipes, disinfectant liquid, garbage, gloves, condoms, lube, clean sheets, clean towels.
Smoking is allowed only in designated area indoors.
We ask you for money to cover the costs
We operate as a team of volunteers and invest our own private time and money in order for the event to happen.
We want to be transparent with you about the costs so that you are aware of and assess the sense of worthiness for yourself.
1000EUR - venue hire for 7h, with cleaning, heating, health stations, lights, sound system, preparation time, landlord's staff time
200EUR - estimated governance time to coordinate, setup website, production time for preparing the venue, setting-up infrastructure
In order to fund this and future events, we ask you to give us money to cover the costs. We need to commit and cover costs starting from 26th Jan 2019, so that's the deadline for critical mass of pre-payment registrations.
Sign up to participate
Thanks but, I can't come this time
If you are interested in the Gathering but are not able to attend this time, we would still love to hear from you!
Please take a minute to answer our "I Can't Come" Questionnaire.
Hosts, Guardians and Advisors
People behind the project
"I'm ethically non-monogamous, passionate about understanding how I relate to myself and others through concepts of Playfight, Non-Violent Communication, Polyamory, Consent. I participate in this project because I want for myself and others a safe playground to express myself."
Kinky Salon Lisboa, Daimonic, ++
"I seek freedom, awareness, ethics, expression and hedonism and love sharing it in the form of events.
Intimacy, relationships, eroticism and sexuality are core elements of our human co-existence and we need times and spaces to explore and nurture them.
These spaces have to be based on culture and constant practice of consent, of positive sexuality, of inclusivity, of awareness and communication.
Ethos and respect and then yes, we can enjoy and share great human moments, parties and gatherings, safe, diverse and fun!"
Eros and Partnership Leader
"I believe we need Hi-Tech thinking and acting to regain our emotional powers... Since decades I lived, worked and loved to shed light in the areas of love, sexuality, Partnership and Eros and improve myself to understand what keeps me away from being fulfilled. I work for profound ways that human relationships can enter a new culture where f.e. the attraction to others is no longer a reason for emotional, possessive reactions - based on a deep truth and transparency. And the winner is who makes the better Parties!"
Feminist & Researcher
"As a femme-performing non-binary, sex-positive, pan- & demi-sexual relationship anarchist, I believe that more safe spaces are needed to practice radical inclusion and enthusiastic consent. I find that communicating boundaries, embracing "no" and generous compassion are skills fostered by daily practice. I hope that we can playfully explore these skills together at the consent gathering."
Survey and Financial Reports
We ask for feedback and publish it here for you
Consent in Details
This is how we understand Consent
Just because someone doesn't say 'NO', doesn't mean they have given consent.
Ask, because only 'YES' means 'YES'
Consent is based on
If someone is underage, drunk, asleep or in another vulnerable position, they cannot consent.
Consent is a
We must make sure our partners feel free to say 'YES' or 'NO' without pressure.
If we aren't willing to take 'NO' for an answer, consent cannot happen.
The intention of Intimacy is subjective and has many faces. It’s your responsibility for the interpretation of actions. Don’t follow the crowd, try to stay centred with your own needs.
Consent is a
Consent requires ongoing conversations with a lot of trust. Just because someone liked coffee 7 days in a row, that doesn't guarantee they will want it tomorrow.
Playfight (Berlin variation)
There are several versions of this ritual, we present you with the one that we want to host at our events
Pretending a fight - a game from childhood
Most of us probably played it without knowing it. Pretending that you fight, expressing yourself with full energy yet respect, with another person
Play with strength, anger, joy, fear, sadness, delicacy, respect and consent
The intention is to not harm your sparring partner, it's to explore each other's physical boundaries, in a safe, respectful way (no neck grabbing, etc.)
We play on a soft surface - mattresses on the floor.
It’s allowed to play in underwear/partial/full nudity (if fully consented by the sparring partner beforehand).
The exact intention of the sparring is up to fighters.
Structure of the game
We form a circle of people, close to each other
1 person in the circle is a Host, holds the space, and explains the rules.
Volunteer to play - to play you step inside the circle.
Nominate your sparring partner or wait for another volunteer, and they can accept or refuse to play.
Check-in ritual before the fight - acknowledging each other with respect, meditation, breathing.
Explain your limits to your sparring partner, e.g. ‘I had a back problem please be gentle’ or ‘Don’t tickle the bottom of my foot’.
You play with your sparring partner. To stop you say 'STOP' or tap 3x times.
After the sparring is over, share your feelings and gather feedback from the circle.
Support hosts, ensure guidelines are followed, educate guests, explain the rules, resolve misunderstandings.
Commit to Guidelines for Guardians.
Guidelines for Guardians
Some common questions that people ask about the event and the project
So who really comes ? Who is this party for?
To summarize - it's a fusion of multiple concepts, but bonded by Consent in its core.
In our community there are people from all kinds of subcultures/themes where the Consent ritual is critical to success, just to name some few examples:
Tantra, Acro Yoga, Social Activists, Libertines, Burlesque, Playfight, Non-violent communication, Goth/Punk/Anarchist, Permaculture, Naturists, Boomers, Contact Improvisation, Ecstatic Dance, Biodanza, 5 Rhythms, Mina, Osho, Tamera, Massage, BDSM, Polyamory, Swingers, LGBTQ+, Kinky Salon Lisboa, Cuddlers, Mainstream, Queer, Straight.
We don't want it to be purely a Sex/Swingers party, but sexual behaviour can happen.
We don't want it to be purely a BDSM/kinky party, but kinky activities can happen.
We don't want it to be a Libertarian space - we want to treat Consent very Seriously, as the common base ethics of the space.
We don't want it to be just a Bar/Discussion space.
What if there is a misunderstanding?
Nobody is 100% perfect and sometimes others will step into your boundary/assume things. We invite you to approach that situation in a compassionate way and try first to educate the other side, understand the situation using the Consent Incident Flow.
Consent Incident Flow
What to do if you experience an interaction that isn't consented?
Ask yourself: Was it intentional?
Double check to make sure it wasn't an accidental step into your boundary/language misunderstanding
Ask yourself: Is the person able and willing to learn?
If the person is willing to listen and learn, we invite you to approach the misunderstanding with compassion and explain your boundary
Still no? Seek help with Guardians
If the situation is still not resolved, the person didn't stop or the person doesn't learn/ doesn't want to learn, please seek help immediately with our Guardians who will assist you
Levels of troubles
Warning - education by Guardian
Timeout - you are asked to go home
Ban - you are not invited anymore to future events
Some common Sexually Transmitted Infections
Knowing the facts can be important for informed consent. Here is some information to help you assess risk for yourself and establish your own boundaries.
We have tried to include information about Portugal but sometimes we can only provide statistics about the United States.
Chlamydia. Affecting about a million people in the United States at any given time, chlamydia is a very common sexually transmitted infection (STI), with up to 1 in every 200 people diagnosed each year in the United States. Chlamydia is generally easily curable with antibiotics. Chlamydia spreads by contact (e.g., ejaculation is not necessary for transmission) and is prevented by using condoms, dental dams, or gloves during vaginal, anal, and oral sex. When a person is diagnosed with chlamydia, it's a common medical practice to treat all of their sexual partners, without necessarily even testing those partners for chlamydia as well.
Syphilis. An easily curable bacterial infection that can lead to neurological problems if left untreated for many years. Syphilis spreads by contact and is prevented by using condoms, dental dams, or gloves during vaginal, anal, and oral sex. In 2017 Inquérito Serológico Nacional (ISN) estimated that 2.4% of the population in Portugal have syphilis.
Gonorrhea. Another bacterial infection, gonorrhea has been causing trouble to humans since medieval, possibly even biblical times. About 1 in 1,000 people are diagnosed each year in the United States. Gonorrhea spreads by contact but using condoms, dental dams, or gloves during vaginal, anal, and oral sex is a highly effective way to prevent gonorrhea transmission.
HIV. The acronym HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus. For a lot of people (especially if you came of age in the 1980s), it is the sexually transmitted infection (STI) that triggers the greatest fear. It is also one you're very unlikely to encounter if you live in Western Europe or North America. Unfortunately, some populations may have higher risk of HIV than others (e.g. nearly half of all HIV cases are in men who have sex with men) so be sure to check with your healthcare provider (see our list below). HIV spreads through ejaculate, breast milk, or blood and is prevented by using condoms, dental dams, or gloves during vaginal, anal, and oral sex. For people who are at increased risk of HIV exposure, like sex-workers or people with HIV-positive partners, there are pre-exposure prophylaxis treatments that can greatly decrease the risk of infection. People who are HIV-positive face a lot of stigma in our society. New research is finding that with effective treatment for the HIV-positive person, the risk of transmission is greatly decreased for their HIV-negative partners.
HEPATITIS Paradoxically, most people don't think of hepatitis as a sexually transmitted infection (STI), yet it is one of the more common—and also more dangerous—ones. The word hepatitis broadly refers to any infection of the liver, but usually, people are speaking of hepatitis A, B or C, which are caused by viruses. Hepatitis A is transmitted by consuming infected faecal particles, such as through eating contaminated food, mouth-to-rectal contact, or (rarely) mouth-to-genital contact. Hepatitis B can be transmitted sexually, and both hepatitis B and C can be transmitted through blood. By far the best protection against hepatitis is vaccination. Safe and effective vaccines exist for both hepatitis A and B, and they're covered under many insurance policies.
HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). There are many different types of HPV. In most cases, HPV goes away on its own and does not cause any health problems. But when HPV does not go away, it can cause health problems like genital warts and cancer. But there are vaccines that can stop these health problems from happening. You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex. HPV can be passed even when an infected person has no signs or symptoms.
Genital herpes is a common sexually transmitted infection (STI) that any sexually active person can get. Most people with the virus don’t have symptoms. Even without signs of the disease, herpes can still be spread to sex partners. Oral herpes caused by HSV-1 can be spread from the mouth to the genitals through oral sex. This is why some cases of genital herpes are caused by HSV-1. You can get genital herpes by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
All sex carries risks. There's no way to eliminate those risks entirely, and it's quite difficult for human beings to rationally evaluate risk. Especially when we are excited in the moment.
The questions below are geared to helping you minimize your risk and determine the level of risk you feel okay with.
The recommendation is to use barriers -- like condoms, dental dams, and gloves -- for the best protection.
Places in Lisbon where you can get tested (some of them for free):
Abraco - http://abraco.pt/o-que-fazemos/teste-vih/
Your 'Family Doctor'
Studies and statistics about risks
" Several studies suggest that a common course for nominally monogamous relationships includes having sex before committing to monogamy, getting tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) after having sex if at all, and discontinuing barrier use before being tested. This strongly suggests that monogamous relationships offer less protection for sexual health than many people believe. When we consider how often sexual infidelity occurs within supposedly monogamous relationships, the picture becomes even murkier. An article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reveals that the overall risk of STI infection is higher in monogamous relationships involving cheating than in openly non-monogamous relationships. The report also found that openly non-monogamous people are more likely to talk about sexual boundaries and sexual health, more likely to use barriers with partners, and more likely to have frequent STI screening than the population as a whole. As a result, the STI risk in communities of openly non-monogamous people is significantly lower than intuition might suggest (and the risk in monogamous relationships is likely higher)."
More than Two, Franklin Veaux
L. J. Bauman and R. Berman, "Adolescent Relationships and Condom Use: Trust, Love and Commitment," AIDS and Behavior 9, no. 2 (2005): 211–22;
W. Glauser, "How to Talk to Patients about STI Screening," Medical Post 47, no. 7 (2011): 24;
M. P. Bolton, A. McKay, and M. Schneider, "Relational Influences on Condom Use Discontinuation: A Qualitative Study of Young Adult Women in Dating Relationships,"
Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality 19, no. 3 (2010): 91–104.
T. D. Conley et al., "Unfaithful Individuals Are Less Likely to Practice Safer Sex Than Openly Nonmonogamous Individuals," Journal of Sexual Medicine 9 (2012): 1559–65.
Inquérito Serológico Nacional (ISN) 2017
A. J. Rodger et al. "Sexual activity without condoms and risk of HIV transmission in serodifferent couples when the HIV-positive partner is using suppressive antiretroviral therapy." Journal of the America Medical Association 316.2 (2016): 171-181.
R. C. Hallal et al. "Strategies to prevent HIV transmission to serodiscordant couples." Revista Brasileira de Epidemiologia 18 (2015): 169-182.